Building another nice church on the street corner

This part of my journey officially began on a Sunday sometime in early May 2002. I was listening to one of the elders in our church teach that Sunday and I believe God began to speak to my heart (tell me, do you use quotes when you think God is speaking to you?). What I heard was "if you are going to build another nice church on the street corner, why don't you just close down and help another church down the street." The other statement I heard was " if I were to move the way I wanted, your leaders wouldn't be able to handle it." Needless to say that was not what I was expecting. We had built a modest body between 150 and 200 people, just gone to 2 services, and received a $50,000 check to kick off our building project. Our eldership had always moved in unity and I can't remember ever having a serious arguement. We met the following Tuesday at lunch for what I thought would be the beginning of some changes. Little did I realize God had a much different plan. The language I used was taken as inflamatory (at least that was the way I saw it; there are other opinions but they will have to write their own blog) and what we had worked on for 7 years began to immediately and completely unravel. The next evening we all met together with our wives and although we did not know it at the time, began the slow and unbelievably painful procces of splitting a church. Everyone tried hard but no matter what we tried we were in a church split freefall. Those days and the years that followed were some of the most painful of my life and the life of my family. I watched as slowly my most treasured dreams and my life's calling and work were methodically torn to shreds. I cried for months. My wife would suddenly burst into tears and ask me why time and time again.

Pain has a way of sealing the truth away in our hearts never to be looked at again growing in darkness gathering more pain and bitterness around itself, or in time prove to be the pill we needed to swallow that reveals our condition. It took time but God began to unlock those secret chambers of my heart showing me my motives, my mistakes, my sin, and a new beginning in Christ free, free to live the life He had always been calling me too.

You got to start somewhere

Have you ever wondered if your words will make a difference or will it appear as just more noise in a noisey world. I've had this feeling for years I want to write. That there is something in my heart worth saying to others. Well I'm going to use this medium and find out if that is true.

 I've been a christian for 35 years. I have pastored in one form or another for 32 of those years in 4 diifferent churches. Staff pastor, youth pastor, singles pastor, adminstrative pastor, lead pastor, and pastor of evangelism.  Born again, Spirit-filled, delivered, saved, sanctified, intercessor, prophetic, worship leader, conservative, Bible believing, and all the rest. I get tired just listing them. Married for 28 years and still in the process of raising 5 kids for a little while longer. In short that's where I started. For some they will need to know that as I go on, for others just a long list of useless information. It begs the question what actually defines our existence and who we are. And it brings me to the point of this little rant.

I used to think it was what I did as a christian that defined me and for the most part made God happy or sad with who I was. I am beginning to learn that has nothing to do with it at all, and so the story begins...